What am I doing here? - Thursday, January 6, 2011, 12:30 PM Aix-en-Provence Time

I’m sitting in my room in Aix-en-Provence, crying.  All I can think about is how bad my French is, how scared and alone I feel, and how much I wish I were back at Butler.  I feel so alone and outside everyone’s circle, nothing is familiar to me.  I feel like nobody here cares about me mostly because they don’t know me or know about me.  And I don’t even have the internet to call someone at home whom I love.  It’s 6:30 AM at home and I don’t even know if anyone’s up.  After all this travel (about 17 hours worth), sleeping fitfully on airplane after airplane, here I am in Aix-en-Provence and I’m freaking out.  It’s not exactly what I had expected, which is alright seeing as how I had built this entire experience up so high in my mind.  I just feel like throwing up, I’m so nervous and sick and tired.  I hope this feeling doesn’t last because I don’t know how long I can last feeling this way.  I’m going to try and sleep now to see if that will help my exhaustion and fears.  I doubt it but I hope so.